If you are considering mediation, you are likely wondering what actually occurs behind closed doors. Fortunately, family mediation is designed to be significantly less formal—and often less stressful—than a courtroom hearing. Despite its flexibility, the process follows a structured path to ensure fairness and clarity.
Understanding the typical roadmap can help you feel more prepared and confident as you navigate this transition.
Step 1: The MIAM (Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting)
The journey usually begins with a Mediation Information and Assessment Meeting, widely known as a MIAM. In England and Wales, attending a MIAM is a legal requirement before most family court applications can be made, unless a specific exemption (such as domestic abuse) applies.
This is typically a private, 45-minute meeting between you and the mediator. During this session, the following will be addressed:
- Process Explanation: How mediation works and its potential benefits.
- NCDR Options: Discussion of other Non-Court Dispute Resolution options.
- Suitability Assessment: The mediator determines if mediation is safe and appropriate for your specific circumstances.
- Safeguarding: Any concerns regarding child protection or domestic safety are carefully screened.
If mediation is deemed suitable and both parties agree to proceed, joint sessions are scheduled.
Step 2: The First Joint Session
The first joint session is where the substantive discussions commence. Initially, the mediator will help both parties establish an agenda. This ensures that the most pressing issues are prioritised.
Common agenda items include:
- Child Arrangements: Where the children will live and how they will spend time with each parent.
- Financial Priorities: Addressing immediate bills, mortgage payments, or short-term maintenance.
- The Family Home: Discussing intentions for the primary residence.
Note: At this stage, ground rules are established. These typically include commitments to speak respectfully, listen without interrupting, and provide full, honest information.
Step 3: Sharing Information (Financial Disclosure)
Once the issues are identified, the next phase involves gathering the necessary facts. In financial cases, this is known as Full and Open Financial Disclosure.
To make informed decisions, you may be required to provide:
- Bank Statements: Usually covering the last 12 months.
- Income Proof: Recent payslips, P60s, or tax returns.
- Valuations: Current market values for property and updated pension valuations (CEVs).
- Debts and Assets: Details of loans, credit cards, savings, and investments.
In cases involving children, the focus shifts to their daily routines, schooling, holiday arrangements, and how parental communication will be managed moving forward.
Step 4: Exploring Options and Negotiation
After the facts are established, the mediator facilitates a process of exploring various solutions. This is a practical negotiation where “what if” scenarios are tested.
In financial cases, proposals are often weighed against the legal principles applied by the court, such as the Section 25 factors of the Matrimonial Causes Act 1973. Similarly, in children’s matters, the “Welfare Checklist” from the Children Act 1989 is kept at the forefront of every discussion.
Step 5: Recording the Proposals
If an agreement is reached, the mediator will document the outcome. These documents are essential for your solicitors if you choose to make the agreement legally binding later.
| Document | Purpose |
| Memorandum of Understanding (MOU) | A summary of all the proposals agreed upon. |
| Open Financial Statement (OFS) | A formal record of the financial facts disclosed. |
| Parenting Plan | A detailed roadmap for how the children will be cared for. |
The Mediator’s Role: Neutrality and Guidance
It is important to remember that the mediator is a neutral facilitator, not a judge.
A mediator WILL:
- Manage the pace and tone of the discussion.
- Help reduce conflict through managed communication.
- Provide legal information (e.g., explaining what a “Clean Break” is).
A mediator WILL NOT:
- Take sides or advocate for one person over the other.
- Give legal advice on whether a deal is “good” for you personally.
- Force an agreement upon you.
What if Direct Discussion is Too Difficult?
Mediation does not always require sitting in the same room. If tensions are high, Shuttle Mediation can be utilised. In this setup, parties remain in separate rooms (or separate digital “breakout” rooms online), and the mediator moves between them to relay proposals.
Furthermore, neutral third parties—such as pension experts or independent financial advisors—can be brought into the process to provide clarity on complex assets.
Final Thought
Family mediation offers a structured, private environment to resolve disputes without the adversarial nature of a courtroom. While it requires a commitment to transparency and compromise, it provides families in England and Wales with the opportunity to create bespoke solutions that work for their unique lives.